So it’s been a while since I posted, but was determined the next post I wrote was going to be more positive, less sad, and here we are on the cusp of our new life.
The house finally sold, what a journey that has been, in itself it would have been a stressful time but throw in Charlie’s passing and our original caravan company backing out of our contract, my workplace being broken into and my hard drive full of my photo & videos of Charlie growing up being stolen, and the realisation some of my relationships with close family members were completely broken I sometimes wonder how I have got here to this point. But here I am still just about in one piece, still looking forward to the future, still thankful for all that I have, all I have been able to do and all that I look forward to doing.
I still have my moments of darkness though, a couple of months ago I got pretty much as low as I have ever got, I wasn’t suicidal, I had no intention of killing myself, but If someone had told me that the next time I crossed the road I was going to get run over and die I wouldn’t have cared less. Thank goodness it passed pretty quickly, I hate to feel like that, I hope those terrible lows are going to get less – less severe, shorter in duration and more good times in-between the sad times. I know I will always have sad times and thats OK, it kind of reminds me how much I love and miss Charlie, I can feel the love inside me but the sadness takes over and just bubbles up from time to time. I can see it in my face when I look in the mirror, I wonder if other people can see it too?
But the future is coming, its exciting and brand new. I would urge everyone to follow their dreams, to try to find a way to make them happen, and if theres not a way yet hold onto them because in the future there may be. I think while sometimes you just get lucky or you are in the right place at the right time, I believe you can also ‘make your luck’ – a positive attitude goes a long way, and ‘the dream’ of course has to be attainable, set yourself a realistic timeline and work steadily towards it. I would describe myself as a mostly positive person, probably about 90% of the time!! and of course that helps.
When we tell people what we are about to do sometimes they say “I wish I could do that” or “You are so lucky” or even “I’m a bit envious” But it has taken us over two years to get where we are today, and by the time we pick up the Caravan in July it will be nearly two and a half years and we will be about 8 months later than our original plan – but we never wavered, never gave up on our dream, refused to believe that it wouldn’t happen, we dug our heals in and while at times we stood still for what seemed like an eternity we didn’t go backwards.
It’s an exciting time for us, I love feeling excited, such a great emotion, it means something I am looking forward to is getting closer, it means something great is just around the corner, like a kid waiting for Christmas or a Birthday. As adults we don’t get the opportunity to be excited much so when it does happen it’s great!!
So what’s this post about? – It’s about riding the roller coaster of life, taking the ups and the downs, the twists and the turns. Squealing with your arms up in the air when its fun and trying to hold onto your breakfast when its not. Keep working towards your dreams, everyday is a day closer.